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60 Water and River Puns and Jokes

We can’t live without water for obvious reasons but is it funny? No, it’s kind of just meh, right? How wrong could you be, H2O is the perfect combination for loads of laughs.

We gathered together some of the best water puns, one-liners, and jokes about water that will leave you swimming in a sea of laughter!

Some Water and River Puns and One-Liners

  1. A water bed may lead a couple to drift apart.
  2. Water slide construction completion requires a dry run.
  3. That shore is a long comment.
  4. Sea they never stop.
  5. R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.
  6. My friend just told me, ‘I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water’. I know he means well.
  7. Shell yeah!
  8. Every time I take a drink from a bottle, it keeps pouring back. Must be spring water.
  9. Wanted to play water polo but couldn’t get the horses to swim.
  10. Is this real life or is this just Fanta sea?
  11. To be pacific, I love the Arctic ocean the most.
  12. I have so many emoceans.
  13. I’ve got a remedy for your seasickness, it’s called a pocean.
  14. I shore can
  15. If Hogwarts was in the ocean, they would play squidditch!
  16. Avoid pier pressure.
  17. Don’t get tide down.
  18. I just heard a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
  19. I considered making a new brand of bottled water, but the market was too saturated.
  20. I just opened my water bill and electricity bill at the same time. I was shocked.
  21. Water you doing out so late tonight?
  22. It’s late and I’m getting tired of water puns.
  23. I’m tide up at the moment, can someone else help?
  24. Love watching running water on the internet. It was a live stream!

water splash

Great Water Jokes

1. H20 is water, but what is H204?

It’s for swimming and drinking of course.

2. What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?

Adele, Rollin’ in the deep.

3. What did one ocean say to another?

Nothing, it just waved.

4. There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water?

Number one. And number two.

5. Why does the river have problems remembering things?

Because she is becoming sea nile.

6. Why did the ocean break up with the pond?

She thought he was too shallow.

7. What did the bottled water tell the spy?

The names bond, Hydrogen bond.

8. Why does water never laugh at jokes?

It isn’t a fan of dry humor.

9. How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?

If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.

10. How do you make holy water?

Make sure to boil the hell out of it.

11. The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.

You can expect a Lil’Wayne.

12. What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?


13. When does it start to rain money?

When there is change in the weather.


14. Why are oceans so meticulous?

They like to be pacific.

15. What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?

Hail, of course!

16. What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?


17. My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.

I sent him a Get Well Soon card.

18. Why do sharks only swim in salt water?

Because pepper always makes them sneeze.

19. Why did the ocean leave the party early?

She was getting really tide.

20. Why is a river an amazing roommate?

He just likes to go with the flow.

21. What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?

Water are you doing today?

22. Why do poets always write about the sea?

They just can’t fathom her depths.

23. Why did the lake date the river?

He heard that she had a bubbly personality.

24. Why don’t you see an ocean in school?

They just can’t wade through all that homework.

baby in a beach

25. Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?

It was a buoy!

26. What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?

Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.

27. Where do water droplets go to settle arguments?

The Supreme Quart.

28. If Smart water were actually smart…

Then why did it get bottled?

29. Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?

The closest ISOBAR

30. What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?


31. Why is the ocean always on time?

She likes to stay current.

32. Who carries out operations in water?

A sturgeon.

33. What runs, but never walks?


34. What keeps a dock floating above water?

Pier pressure.

35. Why were the student’s grades underwater?

They were all below C-level.

36. What happens if you throw a white hat into the black sea?

It gets wet!

Facts About Water

Water on Earth: There is the same amount of water on Earth as there was when the Earth was formed. The water from your faucet could contain molecules that dinosaurs drank.

Elements: Water is composed of two elements, Hydrogen, and Oxygen. 2 Hydrogen + 1 Oxygen= H2O

Undrinkable: Did you know that 97% of the world’s water is salty or otherwise undrinkable. Another 2% is locked in icecaps and glaciers. That leaves just 1% for all of humanity’s needs – all it’s agricultural, residential, manufacturing, community, and personal needs.

Humans: Humans can live about a month without food, but only a week without water.

The Final Thought

Well, those are some fantastic jokes, puns, and one-liners about water. But the water facts are even more amazing! I hope that we have given you a little giggle and made sure that there is not a dry eye in the house!!