Growing up we all wanted to believe in happily ever after, right? Fairytales have been teaching young girls for years that we grow up, get married, have a baby, and live happily ever after. The End.
This is, of course, not everyone’s dream but for those of us that want the big fairytale ending, a breakup during pregnancy can be a hard pill to swallow.
Whilst a breakup is never a good experience, going through a breakup during pregnancy is not something any expectant mom wants to deal with.
There are lots of reasons why a relationship may end during pregnancy: the pregnancy was not planned, both partners want different things, emotions are running high whilst the dollars in the bank are running low.
The list is extensive and depressing but it is a cold hard fact that while pregnancy brings many couples together, it can push others apart for good.
So, what are you supposed to do if you find yourself in the middle of a relationship breakdown during your pregnancy? How do you get over a breakup while you are pregnant, during a time you thought would be one of the happiest and most exciting periods of your life?
It might not seem possible, the heartbreak may feel too painful and infinite and the whole future you had planned out in your head may now never be anything more than a fantasy.
But it is possible to cope with a breakup while pregnant. A separation during pregnancy is never easy but it could be the best thing to happen to you.
The relationship wasn’t the one for you and you can now go on to have a wonderful experience as a single parent – you and your baby against the world.
In this article
- Ways You Can Get Over A Breakup While Pregnant
- How To Cope With Being Pregnant Alone
- How Do You Move On While Pregnant?
- The Final Thought
Ways You Can Get Over A Breakup While Pregnant
Your partner has left you heartbroken and pregnant, what now?
Once the initial tears have dried and you have allowed yourself to feel all the hurt, it is time to start moving forward and making a plan for the rest of your pregnancy and your new life with your baby.
Don’t blame yourself
Even if you are somewhat at fault for the breakdown of your relationship, now is not the time to be beating yourself up.
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Pregnancy is an emotional rollercoaster and you need to be kind to yourself. Shaming yourself or sitting with guilt and regret resting heavily on your shoulders is not going to change things and is just going to fuel your stress and sadness.
Treat yourself with compassion and kindness during your pregnancy and after the baby has arrived too. You have a whole lifetime to address the things that went wrong in your relationship if you want to, your pregnancy is not the time for this.
Focus on self-care and staying healthy, strong, and as happy as you can be, your growing baby will thank you for it and it is important for your own mental wellbeing too.
Give yourself time
Time heals, you know this. No one is expecting you to get over your breakup straight away just because you have a baby on the way. A breakup is emotional whenever it happens and if you need to cry then cry.
If you need to watch a soppy film five times in a row then do that. Eat the chocolate, phone your friends, listen to all of Taylor Swift’s best break-up tracks on a loop.
Do whatever you need to do and don’t try to rush the process just because you are pregnant. Let yourself feel whatever it is you are feeling and as the weeks pass by you will slowly start to feel better.
Grieve the life you thought you were going to have and then begin to look forward to the new life waiting for you with your baby in your arms.
Make plans for the birth
Was your other half supposed to be your birth partner? If so, does he still want to be? This is something you need to find out as soon as possible.
If your partner has left you while you are pregnant and no longer wants to be at the baby’s birth, you need to make plans for a new birthing partner. Perhaps you could ask your mom, your sister, or your best friend?
You could hire a doula if you do not want any of your friends and family to see you in labor. Just because you had a breakup during pregnancy doesn’t mean you have to go through childbirth alone.
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How To Cope With Being Pregnant Alone
It is important to remember that although your relationship is over you are not alone. You may feel isolated and alone now you are no longer in a relationship but there are always people around to support you.
Lean on your family and friends
Don’t be afraid to talk to your loved ones about what has happened and how you are feeling after the breakup.
The people who care about you will want to help and support you through this difficult time, let them look after you and accept all of the help that they offer.
Breaking up during pregnancy is not easy, you are hormonal and your life is going to change dramatically when your baby arrives, you need to lean on your best friends and family to support you through this transition.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help, you don’t need to put on a smiley mask just because everyone expects pregnant women to glow 24/7. Cry to your friends and ask for help when you need it. You don’t have to go through this alone.
Join a support group
You may feel like the only mom-to-be going through a breakup during pregnancy but you are not alone.
Friends and family are wonderful at cheering us up and making us feel loved but sometimes the thing that will help the most is speaking to someone going through the same experience.
Joining a support group for single moms and single moms-to-be is a great way to get advice, support and to share how you are feeling with a group of women who truly understand.
Tell your OBGYN about your relationship breakdown and they will be able to give you the details of any local support groups for single moms and moms-to-be.
How Do You Move On While Pregnant?
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So you have cried, talked to your friends, gone to the support groups, and made plans for your baby’s birth, what’s next?
When you feel ready, it is time to start moving on from your breakup and moving on with your new life. It may feel like an easier said than done kind of situation but you can move on from breaking up while pregnant.
Focus on the baby
Go shopping for cute baby outfits and distract yourself with strollers and baby monitors. Your baby is coming and doesn’t have the capacity to care if Mommy and Daddy aren’t together anymore.
Throw yourself into getting everything in place for when baby arrives so when they are finally here in your arms you can just relax and focus on your new life together. Check out our list of baby items A to Z.
Know you are strong
You are a strong and capable woman and your relationship ending during your pregnancy is not a sign that you are going to be a bad mom.
It may not feel like it straight away but you can cope with this and you will be able to deal with anything life throws your way as you start your motherhood journey.
Listen to positive affirmations if you need a little push towards kinder self-talk. Don’t listen to your inner critic and your anxious thoughts, you can do this. Your baby is so lucky to have you as a mom, you are going to do an amazing job of raising them.
Organize the practicalities of parenthood
It is probably not what you had imagined you would be planning during your pregnancy but once the initial shock of the breakup has ebbed away, it’s time to start getting organized.
You and your ex need to discuss how involved he wants to be in your baby’s life, you need to discuss custody and financial support and maybe even living arrangements if one of you is moving out of the family home.
There is a lot to think about but getting these plans in place doesn’t have to be stressful. If you and your baby’s father are respectful and adult about the situation you can organize your new life as parents in a way that works for everyone.
If this isn’t possible? Seek legal guidance and support from trusted friends and family to help you navigate this trickier side of breaking up when pregnant. Maybe your partner is disputing paternity then check out our guide to paternity tests while pregnant here.
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Can I Date During Pregnancy?
If you want to cure your heartbreak by meeting a new love interest then don’t let your pregnancy stop you. A new man in your life may be a much-needed distraction from the stress and hurt of your breakup.
If you want to start dating again during your pregnancy then go for it but keep in mind that dating while you’re expecting may bring more stress than it’s worth.
Now is a time to focus on yourself and what you want and if you want to spend time getting to know a new guy and maybe starting a new relationship then don’t let anyone else’s judgment or opinions stop you.
Pregnancy is a very vulnerable time in a woman’s life so make sure you tell friends when and where you are going on dates, go somewhere you feel comfortable, and be upfront and honest about your situation with your date so there are no surprises when you meet.
The Final Thought
Dealing with a breakup while pregnant can be extremely emotional and stressful but you can and will cope. It may not be the life you dreamt of but there is a lot of happiness waiting for you and your baby in the future, just you wait and see.
If are looking for any further advice with regard to child-rearing check out our guide here.