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You may have just gotten married or you may be in a long-term relationship, and sooner or later, questions about children will begin.
But what should you do if your mom wants you to have a baby but you don’t? Moms are notorious for their excitement at the prospect of being a grandmother but this isn’t always ideal, especially if you don’t feel ready.
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Why You Might Not Want A Baby
Most Moms get very excited at the prospect of having a grandchild but it may not be the right time for you and your partner. To be honest, there are many reasons why you may choose not to have a baby and that is also just fine. But here are a few ideas:
If you have a career you love, then it is understandable that you might be hesitant to take time off or alter your schedule, especially if you are seeking a promotion or looking to branch out into a new career. Having a baby will undoubtedly alter your work-life balance.
Aside from taking some maternity leave, you may need to alter your hours to fit around daycare drop-offs and pick-ups, or even take a period of leave from your job to stay at home with your baby, as childcare costs can be high.
If you are not 100% certain that you want to have a baby yet, this could put a strain on your relationship, especially if it will make your financial situation tricky due to a change in career or schedule.
You may decide not to have children due to the health of either yourself or your partner. You or your partner may have a condition that makes conceiving difficult, or you may have a condition that leaves you feeling fatigued or otherwise incapable of meeting the demands of looking after a baby.
You may also be concerned about passing on a certain health condition, be it mental or physical.
We know that many health conditions are passed on genetically by our parents, so if you suffer from a particular mental or physical health condition that is taxing, you may not want to be responsible for passing that on to another person.
This is a perfectly understandable reason not to want to have a baby yet, or ever. You shouldn’t feel pressured by anyone to have a baby, especially if you have an underlying health condition or you are worried about passing one on.
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You may also not want to deal with the physical toll that pregnancy can take on your body. A normal, healthy pregnancy permanently changes a mother’s body, and there are many more risks with a more complicated pregnancy.
You may choose not to have a baby yet due to your financial situation. You may be looking to switch careers or invest in real estate which may temporarily alter your financial situation.
Or, you may be saving to go on the holiday of a lifetime or make a big change to your home, which again would be a temporary drain on your wallet. You might even be attempting to clear debts, such as student loans, which makes the idea of supporting children not feasible.
You might also be wary of the financial commitment that comes with having a baby. It is well-known that the cost of childcare is ever-increasing, as well as the cost of medical bills, in addition to all the things that a baby might need.
This is a perfectly reasonable reason for not wanting to have a baby yet. You may be waiting until you are in a more secure financial situation, or you simply may not want to make this kind of financial commitment, which is perfectly fine.
Some people simply find that they do not have a maternal or paternal instinct and that they do not want to become a parent. They may be happier simply playing the adoring aunt or uncle to the children of siblings or friends.
They might enjoy the ability to travel whenever they wish, not being confined by school semesters, or they may enjoy the ability to go out whenever they want.
Some people might also be concerned about the effect that the growing population is having on the planet. We know that the planet is in a precarious position, and some people may not want to add to this by contributing to the increasing population.
Ultimately, there is no need for you to have a reason. You may simply not want to have a baby and there is nothing wrong with that.
What Should You Do If Your Mom Wants You To Have A Baby But You Don’t?
You may find that your mom is eager to become a grandmother and eager for you to have a baby soon. However, if you don’t want to have a baby, or you feel like you are not ready to have one yet, there are some things you can do to ease any tension that might exist between you and your mom.
First and foremost, talk to your mom. Express your concerns to her. Explain why you may not want to have a baby yet, or why you may not ever want to have a baby.
Being a parent takes hard work and a huge amount of responsibility and care, and no one knows that better than your mom. You may not feel equipped to provide for a child yet or ever, and there is nothing wrong with that.
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Discuss this situation with your mom and see if she is more understanding when she knows your reasons. This might even be a great opportunity to express your wishes to having children in the future if that is something you would like.
You might then suggest some alternatives to occupy your mom’s time. Take a look at some of our suggestions below.
If your mom wants grandchildren for someone to dote on and shower with her love and affection, perhaps suggest that she gets a puppy. A puppy is a perfect way to occupy your mom’s time.
They need a huge amount of dedication and time, just like a baby does, so this is the perfect way for your mom to express her love and affection.
A puppy will need a huge amount of training, so your mom may find her time taken up with puppy training classes and socializing the new pup, leaving her too busy to pester you about children.
If your mom is missing having children around, then fostering might be a great way for her to dedicate her time to a good cause.
Fostering is a great way to offer some comfort and attention to children who might be going through a difficult time. If your mom is retired or not working, this is the perfect opportunity for her.
Alternatively, you might consider suggesting to your mom that she looks into fostering dogs. Just like fostering children, fostering a puppy is a great chance for you to give some love and attention to a dog that has not had a great start in life.
Fostering children or puppies is a great way for your mom to express her maternal instincts, as well as keeping your mom busy and off your back!
If your mom doesn’t quite feel up to fostering, you might suggest to her that she volunteers. Volunteering is a great way to occupy your time, as well as giving back to the local community.
There are also many different kinds of volunteering so there is definitely something suitable out there for your mom.
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If your mom has an affinity for furry friends, she might want to consider volunteering at an animal shelter. Where she will have the opportunity to shower some animals with attention and affection and make a real difference, especially if they have not had the best start in life.
She may also consider volunteering in the local community, in a children’s home, or in some sort of big sister program. This will allow her to share her expertise and experience as well as offer some guidance and comfort to children in need of some love and attention.
Your mom may also want to volunteer in a local shop, library, or church. She may simply be looking for companionship or some appreciation now that her children are all out of the house, and volunteering is the perfect opportunity.
What should you do when one partner wants a baby and the other doesn’t?
Firstly this is something that you really need to talk about with your partner. Having children is a life changing event and if your expectations on having a family are not aligned you could be in for a great deal of heartbreak.
What age is the perfect age to have a baby?
Experts say that the best time to have a baby is between your late 20s and early 30s. This age range is most often associated with the best and safest outcomes for both mother and baby. However, your age is just one factor that should be considered when deciding to get pregnant.
The Final Thought
Whatever your reason is for not wanting to have children, you have no reason to explain yourself. If your mom is persistent, suggest some of our alternatives occupy her time.
She may be looking for someone to shower with her love and affection, so fostering is a perfect choice. If she has a ton of spare time now that all her children are out of the house, then she might want to get a puppy to occupy her time.
Or maybe your mom is just seeking some companionship and appreciation, so volunteering in the local community is a great way for her to get some recognition.
Whatever your mom decides to do, ensure that you broach the subject in a sensitive way, she likely only wants the best for you.
And if you are having trouble with some other maternal figures in your life why not check out 15 Signs You Have A Toxic Mother-In-Law And How To Deal With Her?