As our children grow up, they go from being little people who want to spend every moment with us. We are their most favorite people in the world, and we are the center of their world.
We make them feel safe, comfort them when they are sad or hurt, and tell them off when their behavior is unacceptable. But as our children grow, they soon begin to spend less and less time with us.
They no longer want to spend all their time with us as they become teenagers. You will be lucky if they spend a quarter of their time with you. Let’s face it we are no longer cool enough to be around unless they have to!
As parents, we can accept that even if it is a little heartbreaking. They no longer want to spend all their time with us. So why is your kid always in his or her room?
In this article
Is This Normal?
The good news is that this type of behavior is completely normal, especially as our children reach their teen years. At this age, they begin to want to figure out who they are.
They need to discover where they fit in this big world without their parents constantly by their side or looking over their shoulder. So shutting their bedroom door and spending that time alone is often vital and very normal in accomplishing this task.
How will you know when they have entered this stage? Well, it is very simple.
They will enjoy pointing out any of your flaws. They will constantly disagree with you and say you are wrong 99% of the time. The biggest sign is when they start to critique the way you dress, or speak, or even behave!
Why Do They Need To Spend All Their Time In Their Room?
They don’t need to spend all their time in their bedroom, but they do need privacy. In most households, staying in their room is the best way to get it.
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Teenagers need this privacy as a way to separate from their parents. It is a way to figure out who they are and who they want to become in the future. They need space to do this kind of thinking.
The important thing to remember is that as parents, we have spent years keeping a close eye on our children. Telling them how to brush their teeth, clean their room, play nicely with other children, and to use their manners always!
As they pull away from us, we have to trust that we have done our job well. For them to grow to be independent adults, we have to let them have this time to themselves.
What Are They Doing?
Parents worry about their children; it is a natural part of being a parent. You worry about what they are doing in their bedrooms. Are they dealing with issues that they aren’t telling you about?
Have they got friends they can talk to if they don’t want to talk to you? Are they doing drugs? Or involved in things they shouldn’t? Or maybe they’re just sleeping?
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The truth is that they are more than likely not getting into any trouble, but you know your children the best. So if you have any doubts, ask them – you will know if there is more going on than they are telling you.
With the online community growing at such a rate, they are more than likely just chatting with friends, playing video games, or doing school work.
Remember what it was like to be their age and how much time you spend doing exactly the same as they are now.
As Parents, What Should We Do?
It is a part of a parent’s role to keep their children safe, and this never stops no matter how old they are. But we also have to know when to step back and let them figure some things out for themselves.
So, while they are trying to figure out who they are and who they want to become, you can do a few things to help them out without smothering them.
Make The Extra Effort To Connect With Your Children
Do not do this in a confrontational way by asking them lots of inquiring questions such as “What’s wrong with you? Why are you spending all your time indoors when the weather is beautiful? Why are you so grumpy all the time?”
It may seem like you’re interrogating them for some alleged misdeeds. Instead, try asking questions that are open-ended and non-judgemental.
Make It Safe For Them To Come Out Of Their Room
If your children love music or have a favorite TV show or a video game, chat to them about it. Try to find some common ground and have fun with them.
Remember, they are still the same child; they just have a lot going on at the moment and need some space to learn to deal with their emotions. Ensure that they know you just want to enjoy their company and that you are not there to interrogate them.
Give Them A Reason To Leave Their Room
This can be easier said than done, but do keep trying. Arrange to do something that your child likes to do. This could be as simple as going for a walk, a cinema trip, or a shopping trip.
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This will allow you to strengthen the bond that you have with them but also give you the chance to talk to them about something you have in common such as that activity or trip.
Don’t Try To Label Them
Making comments like you think that they are depressed is not going to make them open up to you if indeed there is an issue. Do not make them feel that there is something wrong with them and that they need to be fixed.
Teenagers are already insecure and don’t want their parents thinking that they are not ok as this could make them defensive.
Look For A Mentor
Teenagers can be painfully shy with their peers and socially awkward. They may find it easier to retreat to their room than actually to deal with their peers.
If you have a trusted friend or relative that they are close to, maybe ask them if they could speak to them. If they feel comfortable with them, they will open up and let them know that they are ok or have any problems.
The Final Word
It’s hard being a parent, but you must remember that it is hard to be a teenager. They have a lot to deal with and are not always well equipped to do so. They have never gone through these types of changes or problems before and will struggle to find their way.
Many teens go through struggles and difficult patches. Adolescence is a time of great change for them, with many decisions to be made that could potentially define their lives. Ensure that they know you will always be there for them.
Our job as parents is to make sure that they always know that they are loved. They can come to you with any problem and always be greeted with respect and calm.
And you will help them to find their way and get back on the right road. If you do have any concerns about your children’s mental health, then please seek professional help.
