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50+ Funny Parenting Quotes When You’re Having Problems Adulting

Parenting is the definition of rough some days. Most days if you’re homeschooling hyperactive children. Being a single mom with three children, a grandbaby, and having to clean, cook, school, etc. definitely gets to be a bit much.

Then, it spills over to what most people would refer to as me having problems adulting. On those days, a funny quote, or several, is my go-to to make me smile again.

It’s also nice finding one I can relate to so I know I’m not alone in this occasional mess I call motherhood. Check these out when you’re having a rough day!

  1. Parenting is just the same thing over and over again, but you expect different results. Ironically, that’s also the definition of insanity. Pray.
  2. “Having a two-year-old is kind of like having a blender but you don’t put the top on it.” – Jerry Seinfeld
  3. I really love my kids for about six minutes a day.” – Michael Ian Black
  4. I had a talk with my children. I told them about how animals in the wild eat their young, so they better get it together. 
  5. “You know how once you have kids you never ever pee by yourself again? At least one of them is always in there with you at all times.” – Jennifer Garner

  6. “Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.” – Julia Roberts
  7. Children are like crazy, drunken small people in your house.”- Julie Bowen
  8. Every mother fears the day her children ask “Where are all my other drawings?”
  9. “We can’t all look good at the same time. It’s either me, the kids or the house.” – Unknown
  10. “I didn’t fully wrap my head around the fact that there would be a person at the end of it. I read endlessly about pregnancy and what to eat and what not to eat. And then I sort of prepared not at all for the actual baby.” – Ellie Kemper
  11. “Sure, I could parent without screen time. I could also churn my own butter…” – Unknown
  12. Being a mother is like folding a fitted sheet…No one really knows what they’re doing!
  13. “The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy.”
  14. “Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.” -William Galvin
  15. Have you ever looked at the last few loads of laundry and considered throwing them all away?

  16. My house looks like I’m losing a game of Jumanji.
  17. Cleaning house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk in the middle of a blizzard. 
  18. “You want to know what it’s like having a third kid? Imagine you’re drowning and someone hands you a baby.” – Unknown
  19.  90% of parenting is spent thinking about when you can go back to bed.
  20. When I tell my kids I’ll do something later, I really just hope they forget about it. 
  21.  “Having children is like living in a frat house- nobody sleeps, everything is broken and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Ramano
  22. The best way to go shopping with kids is not to.
  23. Parenting is helping your kids look for their candy that you ate last night. 
  24. My parenting style has gone from “Are you okay sweetheart?” to “Did you die?” within the past six months.
  25. Kids have a seventh sense that tells them when you’re relaxing. 

  26. “Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.” -Ryan Reynolds
  27. “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” – Erma Bombeck
  28.  No parenting books ever mention that you’ll have to repeatedly remind your kid not to touch the cat’s butthole.       
  29. “Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the future.”- Amy Poehler
  30. “Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”- Michelle Pfeiffer
  31. “I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a mom.”
  32.  “Hell hath no fury like a toddler whose sandwich is cut into squares when they wanted triangles.”
  33. “I’ve been building my son’s trust for two yrs with high-fives. Today I’m going to hit him with a ”˜too slow.’ Welcome to the real world, son.” -Trevor Williams
  34. “Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” Jenny McCarthy
  35. “They say it takes a village. Where can I get directions to this village?”

  36. “On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting Daddy’s freedom.” – Ryan Reynolds
  37. “Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.” – Marshall McLuhan
  38. “Do not compare your dog problems to parenting. Your dog cannot say your name 3,427 times a day.”
  39. “Having an infant son alerts me to the fact that every man, at some point, has peed on his own face.” – Olivia Wilde
  40. “My kids asked me what the Wall Street Protestors were angry about, and I told them it was the crappy Father’s Day gift they gave me last year.” – Conan O’Brien
  41. “There are men who have scaled Everest that wouldn’t dare travel with two children under the age of three.” – Dax Shepherd
  42. “Anyone else suck at parenting today?” – Olivia Wilde
  43. “We would all love to be Pinterest moms, but it’s okay if you turn out to be more of an Amazon Prime mom.” (I’m definitely an Amazon Prime mom with the occasional Pinterest day.)
  44. “When can I expect to stop having avocado under my nails at all times? When they go to college?”- Kristen Bell
  45. “I’d walk through fire for my daughter. Well, not FIRE. A really humid room, but not too humid because of my hair.” – Ryan Reynolds

  46. “Bandit just told me she wants to be a dinosaur when she grows up.” – Lindsey Way
  47. “I think when you have small kids you just have to be okay with the fact that your car will always smell slightly like rotten apples.” – Busy Philips (Twitter account name) 
  48. “I have to say, being a mother of 3, I don’t judge anyone who pees on themselves.”- Melissa Rycroft
  49. “Not all who wander are lost. Some are Moms, in Target, filling their carts with a bunch of things they didn’t even need.”
  50. “Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”

In Conclusion

All of us have those days, or weeks, where adulting is just not happening. We all have parenting fails. Take a deep breath, and know that it’s okay.

You’re not alone. Instead, read some funny quotes to bring a smile to your face, and trust me, you’ll get through this.