Adjusting to life as a stepparent is rarely easy. If you have ever thought to yourself, I hate my stepdaughter, you are not alone. When families blend together, all members need time to get to know each other and learn how to get along.
For some step-parents, this is an enjoyable process and they learn to love and cherish their stepchildren.
However, some adults may struggle to get along with their stepchildren and find themselves thinking ‘I hate my stepdaughter and I don’t know what to do!’.
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If you feel this way, this article is full of advice and practical tips on what to do. In a perfect world, families would always get along, but this is not the case.
Families, blended or not, can struggle to live in harmony and it is more common than you may think for family members to feel like they hate each other.
In this article
Is It Ok To Not Like Your Stepchild?
A stepparent and a stepchild have a very different relationship to parents and their biological children. When you are a child’s biological parent, you have had your child’s whole life to get to know them and build a strong loving bond.
It is common for stepparents to meet their stepchildren when the child is past infancy. Your stepchild has been raised by someone else and doesn’t know you.
Unlike a biological parent, you have not been bonding with them since birth and creating a loving connection.
It is hard being a stepparent and it is normal to not like your stepchild. Your stepdaughter or stepson may purposefully be unkind to you, unfairly blaming you for their parent’s separation, for example.
You may have your own children who behave in a loving way towards you, making your relationship with your stepdaughter feel more strained.
Again it is normal to not like your stepchild. Whether you are married to their parent or have only met your stepchild a few times, it is completely fine if you do not like them straight away.
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You may develop a close relationship with your stepchild over time but you may never have a bond as strong and loving as the one you have with your own children.
Remember it takes time to get to know someone and form a happy relationship. You are not the first stepparent to dislike their stepchild and you won’t be the last.
Is It Normal To Hate My Step Daughter?
Hate is a very strong emotion to feel towards a child or even your adult stepdaughter. However, there are reasons why you may feel like this. Remember, you fell in love with your new partner, that doesn’t mean you have to immediately love their children too.
Becoming a step-parent is a huge adjustment for you, your partner, and their children. It is ok if you do not become a happy family and live a beautiful harmonious life together.
In fact, it is important to take a reality check if you feel like you hate your stepdaughter. Families don’t always get along, even people connected by blood can dislike each other and have disagreements and conflicts.
If you feel like you hate your stepdaughter there are probably reasons behind this strong negative feeling. People don’t hate their stepchildren for no reason.
What Do You Do If You Don’t Like Your Step Daughter?
Whilst some blended families live happily together, it is also perfectly normal for there to be some teething issues. How you deal with these issues and feelings will have an impact on your relationship with your partner.
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There are many reasons why you might hate your stepdaughter and figuring out what the cause is will help you to decide what to do next.
She is intentionally unkind to you
If your stepdaughter is always making nasty comments and being unkind, it is no surprise that you do not like her very much. Your stepdaughter may feel like you are to blame for her parent’s separation and be purposefully making your life difficult out of spite.
She tries to steal your partner’s attention
Your stepdaughter may be purposefully trying to take up all of your partner’s time and attention. She may try to sabotage your date nights or throw tantrums when you are around.
Of course, your stepdaughter should get her parent’s attention, but if she is purposefully misbehaving when you are around to try and get it then it is understandable why you have grown to dislike her.
She blames you for everything
You may be starting to hate your stepdaughter because she blames you for everything. Your stepdaughter might call you hurtful names, like a homewrecker.
Her life has been completely turned upside down and she has decided to hold you solely responsible.
She plays favorites and power moves
Your stepdaughter knows that she will always be your partner’s number one. You know that too but that doesn’t make it hurt any less when your stepdaughter abuses her power as ‘the favorite’.
Your stepdaughter may love to remind you that your partner will always love her the most.
You may even discover your stepdaughter has been telling lies about you and making up stories, just to get you to fall out of favor with your partner. If your stepdaughter is behaving in this way, you can be forgiven for feeling like you hate her.
I Hate My Step Daughter – 5 Things You Can Do To Help
If you are struggling to get past your feelings of hate towards your stepdaughter, there are several proactive steps you can take.
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We are sure you don’t want to hate your stepdaughter, you want to have a happy and peaceful home life, don’t you?
If you want to learn to not hate your stepdaughter, or just want to deal with these feelings a bit better, we have some coping strategies for you:
1. Talk to your spouse
It is never easy telling someone that you don’t like their children, but you do need to be honest with your partner.
They may not be willing to listen to your reasons at first – after all, you’re telling them you hate their child – but if you calmly explain how you are feeling and why they can help you to find a solution.
Your partner will be able to talk to your stepdaughter about their behavior and help her see that you are here to stay and her actions need to change.
Your partner also knows their child much better than you, they may be able to get to the bottom of her behavior and find a peaceful way to resolve your issues.
2. Talk to a therapist
If you are worried about talking to your partner about your feelings towards their daughter as you fear it will cause more harm than good, you can try talking to a therapist.
Speaking to an impartial person about your feelings and the problems with your stepdaughter can be really beneficial. A professional therapist can help you to make sense of it all and also provide you with specific coping strategies to help you to navigate these feelings of hatred.
3. Give it time
Happy family life isn’t always a guarantee, especially not for blended families. It takes time to build strong bonds and meaningful connections.
Up until you started dating their parent, you were a complete stranger to your stepdaughter. You haven’t been raising them and they may not like you right away either.
4. It is a big change
It is important to remind yourself regularly that your stepdaughter is going through a big change in her day-to-day life. She may have moved into a new house with you and her parent or you may now be living in her family home.
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Having you in her life will be a big adjustment and you should try to forgive any angry outbursts or undesirable behavior as she navigates this change in family dynamics.
5. Spend time together
If you and your stepdaughter don’t really know each other, how can you expect to have a healthy relationship? If you are struggling to build a connection, try spending quality time with your stepdaughter doing the things she enjoys.
Really try to get to know her and make an effort. Hopefully, as time progresses your relationship will blossom and your feelings of hatred will disappear.
You will never grow to like your stepdaughter if you are always trying to avoid any interaction with her.
Start conversations with your stepdaughter and take an interest in her life and hobbies. As time passes, hopefully, she will warm to you and you will be able to reciprocate those positive feelings.
FAQs
Is it normal to hate my stepdaughter?
Feeling this way is perfectly normal and you should not be ashamed of it. But you should try to keep your feelings in check and remember that becoming a blended family is tricky.
What is mini-wife syndrome?
This is when a stepchild acts as if they were the mother of the family. This type of behavior is often linked to repeated behavior that has gone uncorrected.
What is stepchild syndrome?
There is a long history of the mistreatment of stepchildren by their step-parents, Cinderella being the perfect example. This leads stepchildren to believe that that is the way all stepparents treat their stepchildren.
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The Final Thought
It is normal to dislike your stepchild and many stepparents have thought to themselves, ‘I hate my stepdaughter!’ If this is you, we hope this article has helped you to realize you do not need to feel guilty about these feelings.
Becoming a stepparent is challenging and children will not always happily accept you as a member of the family. There are several ways you can cope with these feelings and try to forge a happier and healthier relationship with your stepdaughter.
We hope this article has helped you to know what to do if you hate your stepdaughter.
